Lost

The feeling; not the show. I’m feeling quite lost at the moment. It’s just so weird to be home. I love my family, but I don’t think I can live with them for another 10 years or so. Of course, I had to Google all my feelings:

According to Globalinks, experiencing reverse culture shock is extremely common and may include any to all of the following emotions:

• Restlessness, rootlessness
• Reverse homesickness-missing people and places from abroad
• Boredom, insecurity, uncertainty, confusion, frustration
• Need for excessive sleep
• Change in goals or priorities
• Feelings of alienation or withdrawal
• Negativity towards American behavior
• Feelings of resistance toward family and friends

Obviously not feeling all of the symptoms, but yeah, I think my feelings can be summarized as reverse culture shock.

I was also reading this great article in the New York Times, about 20-somethings who experience “both excitement and uncertainty, wide-open possibility and confusion, new freedoms and new fears”. I’m just feeling the uncertainty part, and none of the excitement part. Alienation ftw!

Anti-social

Can’t believe that I’m only about a week from home! This time next week, I’ll be packing the bags! I have to say, I’ve been looking forward to this for quite a while now, but now that it’s so near, I’m a bit reluctant to go home. I’ve lived alone for so long now that it’s just hard to live with family again. Lots of re-adjustments. Love them though.

Last night, my housemate (who is also my landlady) had some friends over for dinner. A few days prior to this, she had invited me to join them, but I politely declined. The thing is, whenever she has friends over (2-3 times a month), she always invites me, and I always decline. I’m just not interested in socializing. And then there’s the shyness and social awkwardness. Bottom line: I don’t want to socialize. And I don’t feel like I should be put in a situation where I absolutely have to socialize. It really should be my prerogative. It doesn’t matter if she’s my landlady or not; I’m not contractually obliged to socialize with her friends. Last night, when her friends were here, she actually knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to say ‘Hi’ to her friends. I managed to escape by feigning business and also hinting at uncomfortableness. Talk about being put on the spot man. I guess she’s just trying to be friendly, but I’m probably one of the least friendly people on Earth. Because of this, I’m actually thinking of moving, but maybe I should just stay put. I’ll only have to live here for about 5 months next year anyway. And then I graduate. And then God knows.

I was just telling my housemate/landlady today that if I had a really high IQ, people would think that I’m one of those “reclusive genius” types. However, seeing that I don’t have the high IQ, people would just go with “anti-social”.

The damn essay makes me wanna die.

This is depressing. Just when I thought that I was nicely halfway through the damn essay, I realise that I’ve been mostly out of point. Going through it all over again now. So frustrating.

Also, I started listening to The Pretty Reckless today. Looking at their raccoon lookalike lead singer and at the things she says sometimes, you’d never have guessed that their music is actually pretty alright.

Now, back to the damn essay. WHERE DO I GO FOR 3000 WORDS?

Run Rabbit Run

Hello! I haven’t logged in for so long that my address bar doesn’t even recognise my blog address now. Sad!

It’s my birthday next Saturday. I’m going to be 22. It’s just going to be more annoyance and responsibilities and I’m tired just thinking about the future. I’m going to have to celebrate my birthday alone, because as you know, I don’t have friends, and although it can be quite sad sometimes, I’m just not bothered enough, I guess.

I am so over the assignments man. I’m halfway (well not really halfway, 1000 out of 3000 words done) through my Politics essay, and then I still have to do my History essay, and then get through 3 exams. And then I can go home.

I’m psyched to go home now, but I know that once I’m home, I’ll be complaining about the weather, about how everyone is invading my space, and about my lack of freedom. I think I’ve gotten so used to living alone and having so much of personal space and freedom that every time I go back for the holidays, I just can’t seem to adjust back to how life used to be, living with family that is. I love them, but living with family can be such a pain sometimes. This is going to be so difficult when I graduate. Not even kidding.

This Too Shall Pass

So homesick right now. I haven’t been home since mid Feb, and I’m really missing my family. When you’re home, no matter how bad things get, or now matter how shitty you feel, you know things will end up alright. But when you’re away from home and you’re all alone, it can just be too much to handle sometimes. I just have to tell myself that this too shall pass, or as Cee-lo Green put it so eloquently, fuck you.

Sydney

My housemate and I just returned from Sydney, where we went for a short holiday before the semester resumes. I love Sydney; in many ways, it reminds me of home. Courtesy tourist shot:

The highlight of my trip was watching Wicked. It was witty, funny, and fresh. It was, as the gay boy next me announced, “fabulous, darling!” I would have liked to watch Bill Bailey, but unfortunately, I couldn’t make the dates, and the tickets here are already sold out. I guess there’s always the DVD…

School starts in 1 week. It’ll be my final year. And then I’ll graduate and (hopefully) find a job and become a real adult. It has all happened too fast.

Rockstar Scientist

Brian Cox – best looking physicist/science guy ever? Plus, he used to be in a rock band too, which I think is quite hot. I saw him on TV the other day presenting ‘What on Earth is wrong with gravity?’ (aaaaah, see what they did there with the title?) , and it made me want to become more “science-y” but then after about 3 minutes, I gave up. I didn’t understand a thing.

My day everyday

Now that I’ve got my exam results and didn’t do too badly, I can enjoy my holidays properly. My typical day is waking up at 1pm and then watching Oprah. After Oprah, I’ll change the channel, watch a bit of Days of Our Lives and then mock it for a while (and be all like, “Who watches this?!”) and then I finally get out of bed. At this point, I get quite hungry, so I brush my teeth and go down for breakfast. And then I see my housemate, who’ll also be watching some stupid show at that point. After breakfast, more TV, and then I read a book, go for a run, shower, and then nap. By the time I wake up, it’s about 7 or 7.30. I feel sad for a while that I’ve missed Simpsons, but my hunger will overtake my sadness of not watching Simpsons, so I make dinner, and then I watch MasterChef. More TV, more reading and some World Cup thrown in. By now it’s about 4am, and it’s time for bed. I can’t complain about life at this point, but sadly, this is only going to last for another 5 weeks (I just counted. Depressing.), and then it’s the start of the new semester, or as I’d like to think, my final year! Whoo!

Midnight Tonight

My results for the semester come out officially next Monday, but for the past semesters, they have been coming out on the Saturday before, ie. midnight today. So nervous! I’m pretty sure I failed one unit. Urgh.

Home / 2 / Chocolate Souffles

During my exam preparations, I always look forward to going home. Not so this time. Feels weird not to be packing after the last paper.

The last paper today was a disaster. On a happier note, the cute guy sat next to me today. (The cute guys always only sit next to me during an exam. Why is that?) One girl came a bit late to the exam, and she couldn’t find the row she was supposed to sit in. This exam was in the gym (yeah, I know) and there are exams for a few units going on at the same time, so you have to be sure to sit at the right row to do the right exam. Anyway, this girl was late, and of course she had to stand right next to me, in between me and the cute guy. The invigilator, complete with saviour complex, swopped down like a hawk (to be fair, it’s her job) and was like, “204?” Our unit code is 204, you see. And the girl said, “2.” This went on a few times. “204?” “2.” “204?” “2.” And the girl was so sure of her answer when she said 2. After a while I said, “Is 204 your unit code?” And at the same time, the cute guy said, “Sustainability?” It was all quite amusing, but it didn’t help me in any way during the actual exam. Idiot.

I want to make chocolate souffles today.